Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
