somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
