I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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