Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
