margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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