I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
