That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
