She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
