He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
