Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Your tits are I can't wait for
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
