I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
