Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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