a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
