fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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