it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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