My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
