and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
