You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When are your genitals available?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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