I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
