Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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