i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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