I got chris browned last night
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
