Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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