I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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