Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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