im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
