i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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