definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
