There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
