you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
