The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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