even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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