tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
