Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
