u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
