he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The best revenge is premature balding
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
