Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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