just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
