one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
