im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
