there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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