im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
