I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
