it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize