Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize