You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
