well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I sprained my soul last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
