i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
