Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
