When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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