I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
