Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
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i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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