too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
