nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
