I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
