she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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