We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
