Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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