Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
