i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
