I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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