I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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