Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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