For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
