And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
