i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The ass gains better be worth it
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