Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Two words: nipple clamps
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