Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
