Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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