I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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