i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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