An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
