I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
