just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
