More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
