Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
someone owes me an orgasm
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
