I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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