i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
