why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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