Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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