she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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