I'm really into asian looking animals
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
