I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
