apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
