I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
