okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
